reviewing my INS and OUTS list
created on January 3rd, 2025. checking in on March 2nd, 2025.
IN
ROLLING MY OWN JOINTS – need to see Matt so he can teach me.
BODY HAIR REMOVAL AS A SELF-DESIGNED CEREMONY – shaved my underarms for a reset and hated the feeling. will continue this practice though, I think.
FEELING SAFE INSTEAD OF ANXIOUS WHEN I WEAR MY MASK (HEALING OLD ASSOCIATIONS) – mostly good, still working on it
USING THE RED HEART EMOJI (AFFIRM: LOVE IS NOT A SCARCE RESOURCE) – love is not a scarce resource.
TAKING UP PHYSICAL SPACE (READ: DANCING, DEEP BREATHING, MAKING NOISE) – feeling a bit stuck still and fantasizing about one day just snapping out of all stiffness. dancing in heels is really helping. sitting in the living room as practice.
SITTING DOWN TO EAT AND DRINK – tough. but trying.
GOING TO ARTISTS TALKS (GREAT NON-VERBAL SOCIAL OUTING) – check
ASKING TO BE ACCOMODATED – hmm. still have a lot of fear here but feeling empowered the more I see and hear others advocate for themselves too.
RUNNING REALLY FAR – dreaming of it often and working on it
CITING SOURCES MID CONVERSATION – got to read more.
ANNOTATING AND SHARING BOOKS – it’s still at the top of my mind, March might be the time
MAKING ART AND NOT CLEANING UP IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS – need to rearrange my room again and bring back carpet time to help facilitate this
AFTERCARE – good
PAYING FOR THE STREETCAR IF IT IS ON TIME – been a little bit too angry on the TTC lately, but I’ve kept to this strategy and it largely feels correct.
OUT
GENDER CONFORMITY – lifelong work but let me tell you it’s feeling fun and heavy lately! unlearning gender roles and trying NOT to learn new ones, i.e. act in ways that I think people are going to assume I will based on the way I now look. trying to be soft forever and remember that there are no rules. grieving femininity and also reeeeally craving it sometimes.
HOLDING BACK TEARS – cried at work today, even!
ICED LATTES – sorry maybe these are still in
TRYING TO LEARN EVERYTHING IN SOLITUDE – mmm good one. working on it
BUYING BLACK CLOTHING – bought some white pants…
PHONE AS ALARM CLOCK – k.
PRETENDING TO UNDERSTAND POP CULTURE REFERENCES I’VE NOT HEARD OF – still doing this unfortunately for me.
INSTAGRAM DMS UNLESS YOU’RE FLIRTING WITH ME – still doing this unfortunately for me. but have sent some “hey! this sounds great, could you email me…” messages.
POSTING ON INSTAGRAM IN REAL TIME – still doing this unfortunately for me.
FINANCIALLY AND ENERGETICALLY SUPPORTING BILLIONAIRES – actually feeling quite okay and mostly in control about where my money is going lately
PAYING FOR THE STREETCAR IF IT IS LATE – no notes.